The first day of the year seems like a perfect time to start fresh. A time to let go of the old and consider the new. The question that I have been pondering for months is – is it necessary to let go of everything that we feel is bad for us or caused us pain in order to move forward and if so, are we denying ourselves the growth that comes from experience by simply saying goodbye or are we healing by dismissing our past and just looking ahead to our future? I don’t have an answer, nor do I have advice to give on this question as it will be different for everyone. However; there were a few lessons that I learned that I would like to share. I want to start by saying that my past has shaped my present and it has helped me look to the future so for me letting go and simply starting fresh is not entirely possible.
Life as we plan it doesn’t typically work out. We plan and then God looks at it and reminds us that nothing will be possible without his will. Yes, I realize that I just shared the most popular statement ever made, but in my world and probably in yours nothing could be truer. Years, ago I had this idea that by the time I was in my forties I would have all the stability needed to start considering the second half of my life. I thought that my parents would be retired and enjoying the fruits of their labor. I thought that my kids would all have a clear path of their lives and that they would live the lives that we have worked so hard for them to have. Then life happened.
My parents continue to work and are only semi-retired because no matter how hard they have worked and saved this economy still requires that they continue to work if they want to maintain their life style which mind you happens to be a very financially conservative life. My children have all chosen their own paths. Their choices have taken them to move away from home, live independently and dependently and taking on challenges and obstacles that they didn’t necessarily had to – had they just listened (mild laugh as they learned their listening skills from their mother). Then there are my own choices. Liking my job, not liking my job, trying to find a place that I can call home and truly enjoy going to everyday. Filling my time with the hobby of a new degree which filled my hours as my kids found their paths away from home and distracted me from all the other noise in my life. Adding projects, shopping for things that I didn’t need, creating additional clutter both physical, emotional and mental all of it trying to find answers to questions I didn’t know I had.
And just to keep things interesting the last 5 years plus have been filled with so much more. Illnesses, my own and that of my loved ones. We have experienced the loss of beloved family. We have endured and managed to get through difficult financial issues. Our relationships strained and stressed due to the never-ending challenges have managed to survive, and this is how I arrived at learning lesson number one which is accepting that all of this is just part of life. All of what no one can prepare you for will happen whether you are ready or not.
Don’t get me wrong it hasn’t all been doom and gloom. In the midst of so much pain and uncertainty we experienced the arrival of my beautiful niece and grandchildren. We have moved one of our daughters’ home again and we are witnessing the other two find their way as they complete their education. We have been able to share countless meals as a family, we’ve had many moments of laughter in short trips to exciting places like smoked filled casinos, the desert, northern California and even managed a trip to my beloved Hawaii. I’ve reconnected and tried to be a better friend with all those that choose to share their lives with me and are open to me sharing mine. We have mended relationships with loved ones that have been fragile for years and we continue to hope that others will follow suit. Just this Christmas we had the most amazing time. My only wish was to have those closest to me with me and God delivered. Which brings me to lesson number two – appreciating the now is the biggest gift ever given to us. I say this often, but I can honestly say I absolutely know what it truly means and why the present is called a gift.
I’ve heard a lot about the new year and the new decade. How exciting it all is and all the wonderful things that await us. All those resolutions that will bring us all the happiness we have been waiting for is there for us to take. I don’t disagree with any of this, but I would like share lesson number three. In my pursuit of finding what was going to make me happier I have often lost my way. From a career perspective more money did not deliver the joy my soul so desperately needed. Buying things only depleted my bank account and contributed to the mess in my house, not eating, not sleeping, not exercising negatively impacted my health. Not connecting with others only made my already troubled mind more anxious and pretending that everything was okay truly made me even more unhappy. For me lesson three has been honesty. Being honest with myself and looking at all the cracks in the foundation of my life has been the most difficult thing I have had to do and will continue to do, but I know that not doing so will break my soul and emotional well being more than anything else.
Lesson number four is one of my favorite lessons. Over the past few years as we have experienced so many strange things, we have found refuge not just in faith, but in angels that walk all around us/me. We have had the blessing of being invited to serve, to serve others who need it more. To be available in ways that money can’t buy and to be invited to join a family that doesn’t share DNA but is equally as important. You see in our/my darkest moments I’ve experienced what it means to love others as yourself. I have witnessed my dear friends give so much of their time, energy and riches to those that are sick, homeless, mentally and emotionally devasted. I have been witness to what C.S. Lewis called love , he stated that we should not waste time bothering to think about whether we love our neighbor; and to act as if we did because as soon as we do this we will learn a great secret, which is when we behave as if we love someone we will presently come to loving them. I’ve learned that in the most distressing of moments if we pay attention, we will witness the love that exists all around us. The love that is given to us and the love that we will hopefully give others.
Today on this new year, new decade and new beginning I wish for you and for me everything we need and not just what we want. I hope that you will find answers to your questions and that you will be healthy not just physically, but also emotionally. I wish you love above all and the wisdom to not miss an opportunity to enjoy it for it is the biggest blessing – one that can be easily missed.
The Empowered Crossing 
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